The following are some casual musings from a former patient who had one of his toes removed. He gave us permission to share his thoughts with our readers. Hopefully you find them as entertaining as we do!
Casual Observations On Having A Toe Amputated
1. The chances of stubbing my toe has decreased by ten percent.
2. My left shoe is no longer tight.
3. I anticipate ten percent less wear and tear on my toenail clippers.
4. My grocery bill has gone down; now I only have one Piggy that eats roast beef.
5. Having one less toe on the left foot (and therein less friction with the floor) causes me to curve slightly to the right when walking barefoot.
6. If you use your fingers and toes to count like I do, you need to get comfortable with the numbers “nine” and “nineteen.”
7. It doesn’t take quite as much effort to keep me on my toes.
8. My chances of getting frostbite are lower than yours.
9. A shark will never be able to bite off all of my toes!
10. I get a ten percent discount on my pedicures.
11. I’m easier to track when walking on the beach (or in the snow if you’re into walking barefoot in the snow).
12. Unfortunately, you will always come up short when going “toe-to-toe” with someone.
13. If you have “two left feet” make sure the surgeon knows this before you go in to the operating room!
“I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand
Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand,
Life is good today, life is good today!” (Zach Brown Band)
– Nine toes or ten… it’s all the same!